A poem of my youth

[heeeeey]

I was looking for some old poems I had written to post here, and I chose this one that I wrote back around the  mid to late 80's. Reading it now so many years later, I don't really remember why I wrote it or what exactly it means, but it must've been about small-town frustration. 



"This"

I want to tell someone
But I'm in this alone.
So I keep another dream
Hidden in my soul.
Expressionless me,
I don't let them see,
But if I thought they would care,
I might set it free.
But they just go about their daily life,
Don't even see that I'm alive.
But I live, yes, I live in this.
In the subtle and sublime,
Between a limit and fine line.
Between the reach and the goal,
What draws spirit to soul.
In new hopes and old dreams,
What this is, what this seems.
I remain quiet, they clueless
To who I am, where I've been,
Where I'm out, where I'm in.
In poetry's verse, in beauty's curse.
I'm the very sound, the wave, the energy,
Yes, I've known every cry, every feeling,
Every desire, every wish they've had
To get out; out of "THIS place,"
"THIS moment," "THIS job,"
"THIS situation," "THIS dream," "THIS body,"
"THIS life," "THIS state of mind,"
"THIS uneasy feeling."
I know they want to tell someone,
But they're in this alone,
So they keep their dreams
Hidden in their soul.
Expressionless, they don't
Pave their own way, but follow
down a path others have already paved.
Resenting those taking a different route
Experiencing life out,
Out of this, While they go about their daily life,
And won't ever see just who's alive
In this.

[rocha]

I enjoyed reading "This". The poem oozes isolation and frustration. I believe everyone experiences those feelings at some stage in their life.Some crave acceptance while others never "fit in". A few of us hover on the edge seeing both sides. Thanks for posting "This"

[nrt]

Hi,

This is full of angst and expresses a very real feeling that most of us have at some time in our lives.

I was advised not to double line space poems, when I stared writing, so I throw that out; apparently you only do that when you send things to publishers for proofing?

Also I think that you have a typo -

But there in this alone,

as I read it this should be;

But they're in this alone,

N

[heeeeey]

Aug 3, 2014 1:13:35 GMT -8 rocha said:

I enjoyed reading "This". The poem oozes isolation and frustration. I believe everyone experiences those feelings at some stage in their life.Some crave acceptance while others never "fit in". A few of us hover on the edge seeing both sides. Thanks for posting "This"

Thanks rocha. I'm glad you like it. 

[heeeeey]

Aug 3, 2014 12:38:55 GMT -8 nrt said:

Hi,

This is full of angst and expresses a very real feeling that most of us have at some time in our lives.

I was advised not to double line space poems, when I stared writing, so I throw that out; apparently you only do that when you send things to publishers for proofing?

Also I think that you have a typo -

But there in this alone,

as I read it this should be;

But they're in this alone,

N

OMG, you're right! Don't know how I nor others who have read it missed it. This is a decades old poem and you're the only one who noticed the error!

I fixed the spacing too. I had just copied and pasted it from my computer and it came out double-spaced for some reason.

Thanks for the feedback. 

[nrt]

The hardest thing to do is to proof read your own work, so I wouldn't beat yourself up over that.

The poem is much more readable without the double lines.

Have you thought about re-working it?

[heeeeey]

That was well before my proofreading days.

No, I've never thought of re-working it because it was a long time ago that I wrote it. Most of my poems were actually written as song lyrics because I had wanted to be a songwriter in my teens and 20s.

[jeannerené]

Yes, you have captured and voiced quite well feelings of frustration and longing for more in one's life. It is a very honest write, allowing the reader to identify with that buzzing in the ear that there must be something more out there.

As I was reading "This" I felt it would do well as lyrics ... so of course set it to music. Did you ever write a melody to go with the lyrics?

You mentioned "small town" frustration and having also lived in Fresno for awhile I couldn't help but think of places like Chowchilla, Clovis, Kettleman City, Lindsey .... I remember visiting small towns near Fresno.

I enjoyed reading and whether it was written small town or big city the isolation is felt.

jeanne