Avant la Lettre, a Poet Came. Villanelle.

[mor]

How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
their intrigue no longer a promised mystery conveyed
Avant la lettre, saw their lack lustre made mêlée

What was it, word in greater realm of thought did say
before that of which it seems a lesser form inveighed
How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue

To lay forlorn upon posted page that poet’s play
where others silent scorn hold centre stage un-swayed
To lie, now with their minds, lack lustre made mêlée

How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
when lesser minds find their hobbyhorse hoorayed
as though by sheer numbers they would so gain a sway

Avant la lettre their minded, lack lustre made mêlée
they pay due homage to poetic minimals displayed
‘til they too disappear beyond minded worths replay

Sad recollections of great art forms, former précis
that has by prose’s garniture its heritage dismayed
How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
Avant la lettre, in lack lustres, minded, self-made mêlée.

Mor.

Second Amended Version.

How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
their intrigue, no longer, epiphanic magus
Avant la lettre, saw their lack lustre made mêlée

What was it, word in greater realm of thought did say
before that of which it seems a lesser form of focus
How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue

Forlornness laid upon posted page that poet’s play
where others silent scorn hold centre stage of boldness
To lie, now with their minded, lack lustre made mêlée

How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
when lesser minds find their true gifts in lameness
as though by sheer numbers they would so gain a sway

Avant la lettre their minded, lack lustre made mêlée
they pay due homage to poetic minimals lost ictus
‘til they too disappear beyond minded worths replay

Sad recollections of great art forms, former précis
that has by prose’s garniture its heritage so heirless
How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
Avant la lettre, in lack lustres, minded, self-made mêlée.

Mor.

Third Amendment.

How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
their intrigue, no longer, epiphanic magus
Avant la lettre, saw their lack lustre made mêlée

What was it, word in greater realm of thought did say
before, that feared flux of one Greek Heraclitus
how is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue

Forlornness laid upon posted page that poet’s play
where others silent scorn hold centre stage of boldness
to lie, now with their minded, lack lustre made mêlée

How is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
when lesser minds find their true gifts in lameness
as though by sheer numbers, they would so gain a sway

Avant la lettre their minded, lack lustre made mêlée
pays its due homage to poetic minimals lost ictus
‘til they too disappear beyond minded worths replay

Frail recollections of great art forms, former précis
that now by prose’s garniture, a heritage so heirless
how is it, our words have lost their radieux rejoue
Avant la lettre, in lack lustres, minded, self-made mêlée

Mor.

[jeannerené]

Mor,

This is quite an endeavor and much work and thought has gone into your three versions of Avant la Lettre.

I have to say that I thought your original version very good and lean toward it in preference.  I felt your message conveyed very well and interestingly in the first version, and the intermittent use of French phrases  added a bit of intrigue and Romanticism.

In version 2:

epiphanic magus .... nothing wrong with this wording at all, but overall I felt it left the interpretation a little less definitive.  This particular wording ... for me ... took me too many directions of thought.  Well, again ... nothing really wrong with that either.  I suppose it is just a matter of preference.

In versions 2 and 3:

The use of "ness" endings as opposed to "ed" endings.  Switching the endings from a verb to a noun I felt lessened the strength of the overall voice of the poem.  It softened it a bit.  Did you wish to soften the tone?

In version 1:
"when lesser minds find their hobbyhorse hoorayed
as though by sheer numbers they would so gain a sway"


.... I really like the above.  Interesting alliteration and a clever way to insert a bit of sarcasm.

Version 3:
Greek Heraclitus  I feel the same about this as epiphanic magus ... open to too many interpretations.  Again, nothing wrong with that, all poetry is open to individual interpretation(s) from each individual reader ..... but it seems to contradict the other two versions of that particular line.  I'm confused. Curious as to your choice here.

I applaud your dedication to reworking and revising.


I enjoyed the topic.

Thank you for posting.

[mor]

Hi, thank you for your detailed observations they are much appreciated.
I need to take lessons from you, with regards the art of critique.

However, I must admit that I have problems writing poetry, mainly in knowing when to stop.
As you say, certain lines are open to several interpretations.
Nevertheless, having reread my first effort (a fatal mistake on my part) I felt that I had fallen into a trap of my own making, one that as subsquent endeavours proved a difficult one to escape from.
The villanelle though probably the most difficult of all formats to get right has I feel the greatest potential for dramatic overtures and rhetorical speeches.

I will keep taking the tablets, who knows some day, they may work.

Mor.