Pirates of the Cornerian

[ArwingAce21]

Yeah, but I think the conversation was kinda important. It sets up my next section which I *finally* am getting around to posting.

Thanks for the compliment on Millionaire; it has by far been my best-received fanfic.

I've been sorta lollygagging because I'm lazy. But my good excuse is that I have a new oneshot fic I'm working on!! Yeah, I tried my chaptered story Spectre, which got zilch reception at FF.Net. I mean, when you only get one sympathy review for 3 big honkin' chapters, something's up. I may post the first 4 chapters (yup, I had a secret 4th chapter written!) and see if y'all care at all. But I'm not finishing it. Didn't think out the plot sufficiently. The biggest mistake a FanFic writer can make in my opinion is starting with a wonderful idea, but without an exit strategy. Gotta know how to finish the story.

Anyhoo, back to my original point, which you may remember as being me writing a new fic. The new one doesn't even have a title yet, but I actually have a semi-solid idea of how I'm gonna close it. I've gotten 3 pages written down, about 15 more pages in my head. Its a novel concept, I believe. It combines Mayan culture, archeology, the supernatural, and of course, Team StarFox. (C'mon, who DIDN'T see that coming?) Oh yeah, I plan to introduce a sort of Supernatural Bounty Hunter character into it. If all goes well, he'll be a permanent part of my FF character roster. I'm debating on the name. The cool Areck Largen has been taken by one of my favorite FF authors (who I'm semi-welching this idea off of)... I'll think of something.

Oh, that's right. You're here to read Pirates of the Cornerian. Lemme get that ready for ya.

[ArwingAce21]

Jacques: Man, we have a long post this time, don't we.

Ace: Yeah, I'm getting kinda tired of this one, so I want to make it so we can finish the story in two more posts.

Cris: Hey, do I get a cool part where I make everyone else look like idiots in this section?

Ace: I told you not to read ahead!! Well, actually, you get several of those. Anyway, note to the reader: Remember how I said this was the sequel to Millionaire? Yeah, that part comes in here. You may consider reading the last two or three paragraphs to refresh your memory of the events leading up to our current predicament. Also, *is shot by a dart*

Draco: *Hides something behind his back while laughing hysterically*

Ace: *Wakes up* Who brought back that running gag?!?

Draco: *Whistles innocently*

Ace: Oh yeah, Jeanne, you said you liked Millionaire? Well, this section has a fair bit of fan service for Millionaire fans. Like the part where *is shot by ANOTHER dart*

Draco: *Comes dangerously close to wetting his pants laughing*

---

The giant stone head turned around on the pedestal to face the pirates and its two eyes opened up. Then, it began to speak.

“Hello and welcome to Isla Circa’s Cave Quiz! I’m your host, Rocky S. Granite and, if you can get five out of seven questions correct, you can go home with this fabulous prize!”

Another panel in the room’s wall lifted to reveal a chest full of gold and jewels of every manner.

“And now, seeing as there are a bunch of you out here, you’re going to need to select a contestant to answer the questions.”

At this, Jacques’ crew began screaming for him to be the contestant, and Zach’s crew clamored for him to be the contestant. Quickly growing tired of this racket, Rocky allowed them both to be the contestant.

“Okay, according to my infinite knowledge of all contestants, you are Captain Zach Sparrow, commander of the Black Pearl. You became captain after-”

Zach cut off the giant talking stone head to state what was on everyone’s collective mind.

“Is this a dream?”

“No,” answered Rocky dryly.

“I thought not. If it was, there’d be rum.”

“I can do that,” said the rock and a bottle of rum dropped from a hole in the ceiling and was caught by Zach.

“Okay, next we have ex-Captain Jacques McCloud, a once-honest merchant sailor turned pirate who is out to have fun, experience adventure, and fill up page space so that the guy behind the keyboard can quit typing this fic and do something productive, such as brush his teeth.”

“Sounds about right to me,” said McCloud.

The audience (the crewmembers) cheered, excited that they were in the first game show ever in Cornerian history!

“Okay, it is time to play Isla Circa’s Cave Quiz!!! The rules are simple: I ask seven questions. If you get five right, you win our fabulous prize. And if you miss more than two, well, you don’t wanna know. But let’s get started!

The audience erupted into wild, untamed applause. It is rather hard to tame applause, isn’t it? I’ve never personally seen it done.

Zach and Jacques stepped up to a raised platform and the quiz began!

“Okay, question one. Answer this riddle: ‘Ever coming, never here; Always expected, never arrives. As soon as it gets here, it’s not here.’”

Zach began to rack his brain, but was having little luck. “Do we have any life lines?”

“No,” answered Rocky. “What do you think this is, Who Desires to Attain the Status of a Millionaire?”

“Darn,” said Zach.

While Rocky was making references to previous (read: “awesome”) fan fictions by the guy behind the keyboard, Jacques McCloud was conferring with his crew. When he returned to the podium, he knew the answer.

“Do we have an answer, Mr. McCloud?” asked the big rock.

“Try ‘tomorrow’ as your solution,” said McCloud.

“Dingdingding!!!” said Rocky. “That’s correct! How’d you know?”

“Back on the Grand Vixen, Cris and I always play a game that is riddle-intensive. She and I know our riddles.”

“That’s a good thing, considering almost every question here is a riddle. Anyway, question numero dos is ‘What vexes all men, with some exceptions, such as Elton John and most male fashion designers?’”

“Who the heck is Elton John?” asked Zach.

“I have no clue,” answered Jacques.

“Don’t worry too much about it. It isn’t a vital clue,” said Rocky. “Also, this is a non-conferring question, so you can’t ask your crews for help.”

Cris, who was exceptionally good at quizzes like this, knew the answer, and cleared her throat loudly in hopes of conveying the answer to her fiancé nonverbally. He managed to completely miss her attempt at helping him.

“Zach, you got any ideas?” asked McCloud.

“Nope,” he replied, taking a swig from his bottle of rum.

Cris cleared her throat even louder, hoping to get Jacques to look at her. The answer was painfully obvious; if she could simply get him to look at her, he would know the answer. When Jacques finally looked, she gestured suggestively towards her more…uh…feminine parts.

“Not now, Cris, I’m kinda in the middle of a quiz show.”

Cris rolled her eyes in the most sardonic manner she could without literally dripping sarcasm everywhere, which would’ve been a mess to clean up.

“You idiot!” exclaimed Zach, hitting Jacques over the head. “The answer is a woman! Female!”

“Corrrrrrrrect!” said Rocky “Good job Zack, and I’ll also give a shout out to Cris for the excellent assist without breaking any rules. We’ll get to question three after this quick commercial break.”

“Uhh, Rocky, what’s a commercial?” asked Jacques.

“Oh, yeah, they are the little advertisements that come on the television between shows,” answered Rocky.

“What is a television?” asked Zach.

“Never mind…” said the big rock head. “Okay, you have two questions correct, only three more and you walk away with the treasure of Isla Circa! Question three is, ‘What does no man desire, yet no man want to be rid of?’”

“What is with all these riddles?” asked Jacques in a slightly agitated manner.

“Hey, you try running a quiz show set a couple of centuries behind the events of the universe it is set in without making any references to the future, or to the world where that guy behind the keyboard exists,” answered Rocky.

“Huh?” uttered everyone in unison.

“Never mind…”

As the two captains racked their minds to find the answer to this riddle, their crews began to confer amongst themselves in an attempt to figure it out. Gibbs and Cris were in an animated argument. He thought the answer was a job, which was close, but Cris suspected that it was a physical part of the man’s body. Cotton knew the answer, but since he was a mute, he couldn’t very well tell anyone. Draco and Skippy were playing a game of poker, oblivious to the world around them. The walls were still glowing with the blue lights. The floor was collecting dust.

“Meh, does anyone in the audience know this one?” asked Zach to the two crews. “Mr. Granite over there hasn’t declared this a non-conferring question, so speak up, savvy?”

Cotton began to wave his hands frantically towards his head, trying to tell Capt. Sparrow the answer.

“Speak up Mr. Cotton,” said Zach. “Oh…never mind…”

As usual, it was up to Cris to give the answer away.

“Jacques! The answer is a bald head!”

“A bald head?” he said cautiously. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why wouldn’t a man want to lose his baldness?”

“You idiot!” exclaimed Zach, now sure of his answer. “If you lose your bald head, you don’t have a head! You’d be dead!”

“So ‘a bald head’ is your final answer?” asked Rocky.

“Hey, that’s my line! Quit infringing on Who Desires to Attain the Status of a Millionaire? copyrights!” said Reginald Phlubbin, host of said game show and costar of another of the guy behind the keyboard’s fan fictions as he randomly strolled across the set of Isla Circa’s Cave Quiz.

“Uhh, sorry Reginald. What are you doing in the past, anyway?” said the rock head.

“Well, um, to tell the truth, I don’t know. I was in my office and that guy over there typing this fic whisked me over here to the past. I hope he whisks me back to the present soon because I was making a long distance call and my bill is going to be ex-PEN-sive if I don’t get back and hang up soon-”

Reginald was cut off because the guy behind the keyboard was growing tired of this gag and decided to whisk him back to the present.

“Ahem,” said Zach, trying to restore some semblance of order to this story. “Our answer is a bald head.”

“Coooooorect!” said everyone’s favorite stone head. “Again, Cris saves the day. Perhaps y’all should have appointed her to be the contestant.”

---

Reginald: (Back in present) Okay, now where's that phone. Those 900 number girls aren't cheap. Ah, here it is. *picks up receiver* Hello, Vira? You still there?

Draco: *In an attempted coquettish feminine voice* Oh, yes Reggie. Just what happened there?

Reginald: Nothing major, darling. Just got caught up in the time-space continum. Anyway, where were we...?

Draco: Oh, big boy, I'd like to......cough....coughhackough...

Reginald: Vira, you okay?

Draco: (Losing voice for speaking so high-pitched) Uhh....yes honey...coughcough...

Reginald: You don't sound like Vira...

Draco: HA!!! April Fools, Reggie!!! *Is sent back to the past where he belongs*

Reginald: Huh-WHAT!?!?! You #$$%^#@#!!!! That's $84.79 you just cost me, you prankster!!!!

---

Well, the gang's 3 for 3 out of the first set of questions. But, will they make it to the 5 correct mark without having said very bad thing happen to them for missing more than 2?
















Well don't look at me; I haven't the foggiest idea.

[vulcan13]

that's pretty good. It would be nice if you had some riddles that everyone doesn't already know. Oh and watch about SIR Elton John Ace don't steriotype!

[ArwingAce21]

It's a humor fic, what can I say? Stereotypes are funny. I didn't have a riddle book handy, and as such could do the tough ones. Plus, being a humor fic, it is funny to watch the crews struggle with riddles the reader already knows.

[vulcan13]

yea, but it dosn't have the heroic qualities fo say solving a real riddle.

[jeannerené]

....hum.... Well I partly agree and partly disagree with ya' on the riddles vulcan.... which means I partly disagree and partly agree with you, Ace, about your take on the riddles.... which means I agree with both of you and disagree with each of you.

Ace, I enjoyed this section. It is much more spirited and the interaction between characters keeps the interest of the reader. I liked the image of the big talking rock head as a game show host, and I liked Reggie coming back into the picture. Actually I wanted him to hang around a bit more.

One criticism ... you are in danger of over using the "man behind the keyboard" ... so I would tone that back a bit.

... as to the riddles .... I agree and disagree ... ....hum.... Well I partly agree and partly disagree with ya' on the riddles vulcan.... which means I partly disagree and partly agree with you, Ace, about your take on the riddles.... which means I agree with both of you and disagree with each of you.

.... see this is what you two are doing to me .... I'm talking in circles and I owe it all to both of your insanity ........ I may recover.... I may come back and explain or I may go sit in front of the TV counting my warts .... you what to tell me how in the hell I got these warts, Ace ............... I'm not green.... neither am I slimy ...................

*runs off into the kitchen to pop a bag of popcorn, all the while mumbling "I'm infected... I'm infected!"
****



*Wednesday morning.... head cleared.*

As to the riddles. I think the first two easy riddles work well with Ace's thought:

Plus, being a humor fic, it is funny to watch the crews struggle with riddles the reader already knows.

I think the last riddle, maybe something not so familiar requiring the reader to really wonder as well would work a little better. It just would break the pattern and add a dash of spice.

*hitting the Modify Post button and noticing yet another wart*

[ArwingAce21]

Oh Nooeezzz!! The Slippy curse is back!!!11!1!one1!!!

Seriously, thanks for the reviews! I realize the "guy behind the keyboard" gag is getting a bit stale, but I didn't know what else to do. I wanted it so that every time I refer to myself in the story, I say "guy behind the keyboard" but I didn't know I was going to refer to myself so much. Blasted running gags...

Yup, Vulcan, we're slowly killing Jeanne. That's not good. It's all your fault!