Post by nrt on Jul 4, 2014 7:54:18 GMT -8
I didn't know I still had this, I found it today - one of the better on-going threads from StoriesMania, the 'devils dictionary.' There are a few good ones in here, the idea being to put up an alternative definition of a word, last poster selects the next letter...
I pulled this together off of the board.
I pulled this together off of the board.
A
Absolution quack dietary supplement, supposed to wash away the sins of the flesh, usually sold in 6 packs
Acerbate verb; a vulgar form of self gratification, usually practiced by critics
Alchemy arcane political theory which purports to turn tax cuts for the rich into jobs for the unemployed.
Ariel typeface from 'unda da sea'
Asinine level on a dipstick meter located right before ten
asshole a dark, smelly place where ass is stored
B
Banks increasingly expensive rest homes for gamblers, crooks and other incompetents, whose dangerous disregard for the rules and standards of normal society we pay ever larger amounts to be protected from.
Bastard a label with different meanings, depending on whether you were born with it or achieved it later in life
Bison One reason Madonna sometimes goes to Africa
Bone creature's life-timed partner
Breakfast Is the family ritual that falls apart when dad's wind is the main starter.
Breast Beast without speech impediment
C
Calgary A city of money hungry insensitives who'd eat your family to get ahead in life...
Camouflage a word you don't see very often
Carpet a heavy fabric floor covering useful for absorbing animal urine and household spills
Catastrophe the once popular rich man's hobby of bringing big game animals into homes as pets - lions, tigers etc. to impress neighbors and friends.
Conscience your prick buddy who always steals your best ideas.
Crape posh shit
D
Decrease ironing
Defeat what you suffer when you get your ass kicked.
Defenestration one of those long words that people are proud to know what it means and yet almost never get a chance to use in real life, since the opportunity rarely comes up, and when it does, since people don't generally know what it means, the reference goes right out the window.
Deity specially formulated detergent, sold under various name brands, used in the removal of intelligent thought from the human brain. See Brainwashing
Diction the ability to speak clearly with something warm and hard in your mouth.
Diction Ignore male idiots
Distribute a mocking offering or gift to a deity or higher being, after they have not granted your wish.
E
Egg chicken womb outsourcing
Election an interactive strategy game developed by privately funded thinktanks wherein the player able to create the most losers wins
Email Estrogen based mail brain that endures constant battering during random and frequent thought processes, and pre occupations with jiggles and before mentioned objects.
F
Father Constant 'bank error' collect $200.
Festering The fate of festive food, particularly those extra few dozen items, bought at the last minute 'just in case...'
Forlorn Large area of grass at front of house, in need of cutting again…
fuck A knock off clothing brand
G
Gangrene a blue green colour as turned by Robin Hood and his merry men as they hung on the gibbet.
Gluttony An award for the world's biggest losers
God one stop blame shop for everything that's wrong with the world
Grace a state we all seem to fall from without ever, somehow, attaining it.
Grupee 'Get rich quick girls' who hang around Bollywood actors
G-spot couldn't find the term "G-spot" in our dictionary
G-string Bach wore this for inspiration it has been claimed.
Gurgle a still smaller gurg
H
Handsome When a man has the idea to grab a very good looking pair of......
History His'story - What a man writes - or has written - about the things he has done - or thinks he has done - to make the world what it is today; see also 'Fiction' and 'Bullshit'
Hoover A house cleaning device that really sucks.
Humus Selfish species.
Hurricane a real bitch of a weather system
Hyperbole any of several languages developed and spoken primarily by male hominids to describe their sexual exploits
I
I Not found in 'team'
Ignorant I don't know what this word means, and I don't care
Incubator someone who gets off on tattoos
Insane Being thrown off a bridge in Paris for poor spelling.
J
Jalopy a car driven around by someone who can remember a time when there were no cars.
Jay A loud, annoying blue bird that spends a lot of time correcting people's grammar.
Jiggle unexplained movement or temporary increase in size of human female breasts, theorized to be a physiological response to indiscreet observation by male viewers. To date, no correlation between the onset of the phenomenon and the subsequent decrease in male brain activity has been found. Studies are on-going.
Jingle that reassuring sound which tells you that you are not completely broke.
K
Karat bunny lure
Khaki Found on a lot of army uniforms, I bet
Kinky Acronym; Kind, Intelligent, Not Kinky, Yet...
Kinship a type of argument you have with your brother when you ask to borrow his boat.
Kraken the octopus that dances inside people's mind.
L
Ladyboy complex example of an oxymoron as it also has external contradictions.
Lampoon Instrument used in the slaughter of sheep
Lie Oldest musical instrument known to be designed by man. Constructed from male bovine or equine excrement and played by mouth, the music of lies is fabled to possess the ability to alter a listeners' perception of reality, rendering him unable to distinguish fact from fiction.
Lilliputian from the english lily and the spanish puta. a woman who poses as a virgin (see lily in the christian tradition), but is in a fact a slut.
Lustre the short lived aura, or glow, of new love that quickly turns to dullness if not constantly re-polished.
Luxury expensive drug
M
Mandrake Overpoweringly macho duck
Misogyny noun, a state of madness exhibited exclusively by human male primates
Mistrust that nagging doubt when you buy any used car that there is really something obviously wrong with it...
N
Near Geographical location somewhere between here and there
Nonsense a lack of adequate coinage for a vending machine
O
Optimist persons demonstrated to possess the extreme visual acuity to see clearly through dense fog.
Outrage gay backlash
Overkill Tendency of serial killers.
Overt a pervert who has blown his cover
P
Pacific to be exact or identify something explicitly as in, “I pacifically said the biggest one, and that is the Specific Ocean.”
Perfume Charge when angry
Persephone precursor to the modern cell phone, disguised as a purse or lady's handbag and issued to female secret agents during the Cold War era; featured in the 60's television series Get Smart
Pi A pervasive quantity in mathematics, proving once and for all that the basis of mathematics is irrational.
Putty pejorative; what the human male becomes in the hands of his shrewish better-half
Q
Queue A queen's reflection
Quiescent what quiet becomes when it goes on for too long.
Quip what he said
R
Retrofit a delayed tantrum or angry response to an historical event. See Republican
Right your side of the arguement
Robust The politicians' defence, assumed by staunchly taking a position as far way as possible from that previously held, but now seemingly wrong position
Rubber a small, personal item used to enhance rubbing
S
Scavenger any living organism that seeks retribution/reprisal by stealing discarded items
shit an assortment of personal possessions or property items
Siren beautiful woman strapped to emergency vehicles and cruelly tortured until she emits a high-pitched wailing sound.
Sister Troublesome sibling causing strife
Slow a term used to describe anything that is adequately quick when unnecessarily faster things are developed
Stellarscope an electronic device used in medicine, and specifically in the colonoscopy test. takes its name from its inventor, (the Swedish Stella Huggnasdøn born in 1926) and the words arse and scope.
Subway A shelter where vagrants and lowlife queue for the occasional chance of a sandwich.
T
Tacheometer Instrument developed to measure the cultural content of 'Road Trip' and other teen movies
Talisman In sports and modern warfare, a harbinger of either good or bad luck depending on what contest is occurring and whether the speaker is on the advantageous side. This usage and the accompanying emotions of "we are in for a thrashing" originated back in the times of, and proximity to, Goliath, when those near and far would invariably be heard saying, "That's the talisman I never did see," but in an appropriate native language and sometimes with an inserted expletive syllable or two added immediately before "man".
Taupe a vague, nonspecific color, often mixed from left over or unsold paint samples and marketed to inept interior designers and decorators, intended to relieve them of the burden of choosing an actual paint color and to eliminate surplus paint stock. See khaki
Theology B.C. Comics Inc
Titter a nervous laugh whose suppression often causes a slight up and downward motion of the breasts.
Titular noun, special title and access afforded to women with fake breasts.
Tomb the place where people really can sleep without being bothered no matter what happens on the ground
Tussle an encounter that leaves you tousled
U
Ubiquitous a word you don't see very often
Undermine a hidden mine under a mine. When you have successfully deactivated the first mine, BOOM! that's the undermine, a tactic followed by the ever resourceful Greeks during World War II. why use easily detectable standard mines, when you can use undermines?
Universal Type of poetry with very broad appeal due to its brevity.
Upside one of the two larger facets of a slice of toast, usually the one with the butter on. See also; Downside, Clumsy and Carpet Cleaner
V
Vagrant noun, rant or tantrum about nonspecific bullshit.
Variety An abundance of blandness which, when taken in its entirety, supposedly adds spice to life.
Verisimilitude What you desperately want when you're trying to get away with a lie
Vertigo an ancient precursor the the traffic light, where an operator would sit atop a long flimsy pole with coloured flags, to control the flow of carts etc. They would also shout their commands, as in "vert' ti' go!" when any truculent carters refused to follow the signals. A series of deaths and injuries, caused by road rage incidents, lead to the systems demise, as operators were too afraid to go up their poles.
Violet the violet effect is a not so well known paradox in the world of flowers and colours. fact: violets are violet. widely accepted notion: violets are blue. fact: violet is not blue. nobody can really solve the mystery, so we just accept it as a paradox of the nature (another paradox, since nature doesn't "do" paradoxes).
Vocabulary a collection of sharply pointed words used in the sport of pencil whipping
W
Wallaby Kangaroo wannabe
Wantage Once limited to the late teenage years, this now starts just after toddler then goes on to adulthood and beyond
Warrior The backside of a violent argument, generally between two (or more) countries.
Wellington After victory at Waterloo, he often put his foot in it later when he became Prime Minister.
Whoremonger a guy who gets more action than you.
Wikipedia Pagan A-Z
Wireless Headset AKA Bluetooth So people can talk to themselves in camouflage
Woman a device that cooks things and makes sandwiches. I know, I know, a bit too much.
X
Xbox the reason my brother shouts "fucking NOOBS!" at 4 a.m. every night
Y
Y I don't know, it's your house
Yankee character in a song about an ad-hoc, sketched drawing of an overdressed, self obsessed, man... possibly.
Yes no, especially when said by a woman (also see: maybe, no)
Youth Something that would be better to look forward to
YouTube a web site where people can show their worst to the world and achieve fame and fortune doing it.
Z
Zoo a place where animals go on holiday to relax and watch people walk by.
Zumba The collective noun for a group of (usually elderly) dancers with dance induced flatulence
