None can Fathom My Pain

[skillzz]

Lonely again with my thoughts on hand.
Only may I speak through the tounge of my pen.
The tounge that fell silent and shall rise again.
Lyrically stumbling along the erge to vent.

Thoughts barricade my brain like a dozen walls of brick.
The truth to my pain is thick.
Like a thorn in my ribs.
But this wind knows only movement and shows only contentment.

The Knee to my stomache made it hard to breathe.
The way he choked me made me weep.
So afraid because I cant leave.
It's late and this house is my sons security.
I see I am only causing agony,
for me and everyone around me.
Why would I want to love someone who can beat me and leave me helpless.

So far from everything that I miss,
just to feel that passionate kiss.
But bliss turns to sour piss.
I dont know how much more I can take of this.

I fear my son will wake one day without a mother.
Falling victem to murder.
A sliced throat while sleeping,
that was the threat that he uttered.
So now im smothered by weeping scared emotions,
that fear only for my child.
Maybe I should send him back to his kidnapping father.
Just till things get better.

I never missed my own mother so much.
As she too has feared a mans touch.
I remember screaming for my "MOMMY" while she took a beating.
Now the pattern is repeating.
"MOMMY" from the lips of my son, he is screaming.
As I lay there having a hard time breathing,
begging and pleading for him to release me.

Showing great resiliance to the power and flame of such pain.
Weilding a higher power to force pain from visibility.
While finding healing through silently yet angrily crying in agony.
Knowingly... Only "ONE' may heed the throughts of my pain.

So there is no gain in sharing my issues.
Only judgemental and critical reviews.
I am NOT a muse.
I am NOT amused.
None can fathom my views.
None can comfort me when i get painful news.

--- And none can bear the extent of bad news from a "muse"
that has mixed up emotions and views.---
None can fathom my pain.

Skillzz

copyrihgt 2008

[reasonrhymer]

Skillzz,

I think I can fathom the pain of someone in a situation like this.

What I have more trouble fathoming is the "selfishness" of a so called "mother" who would stay in a situation like this with a child.  If I could give this pitiful excuse for a woman/"mother" some advice it would be take your kid and get the hell out of that situation. 

As far as her pain, she's the one who made her bed and decided to stay with this piece of crap dude, she has to be the one decide to do something courageous, realize she was stupid and get out, like now. 

I guess stupidity and pain are bed buddies in this case.  But no excuse for leaving a kid in this situation no matter the pain she feels.   

If her f-ing mother would have done been a little braver years ago this pitiful creature might have turned out different. 

I guess the pain is trying to send her a message, she should listen. 

Sorry for going on so, but women this selfish piss me off. 

The title probably should have been  "None Can Fathom My Selfishness" cuz I sure can't.  That would have made more sense to me. 




rr

 

[jeannerené]

I can't say that I have ever experienced anything like the above.  The men in my life from birth to present have been strong, loving and supportive .... honest and noble.  I believe this to be true of the vast majority of all men. 

I have however, known other women who have been abused by their spouses ... and there is no other choice but to find the strength and leave .... somehow ... someway .... something can be done.  There are groups above and under ground who will help. 

I know you say that none can understand your pain ... OK ... I'll buy that .... I haven't walked in someone's shoes who has been abused.  But I have to state much the same as reasonrhymer states ... because it seems that anyone who has experienced abuse from any standpoint as a child would know their own child's pain .... and put their child's pain and well-being first before their own.  There shouldn't be anything else to consider, the child is in danger physically or mentally or both. If someone stays in such a situation the child is harmed by both ... the abuser and the one receiving(which is actually 'accepting') the abuse. To be quite frank I know well one woman who had 6 children who made that brave and the only responsible move ... when the children were all still young.  There is always a way to find your strength and support, especially if you live in parts of the world where abuse of women is known for what it is ... a crime.

.j.

[reasonrhymer]

Skillzz,

Hey, I read my last response and realized it was probably a bit harsh.

I just feel so strongly that children need to be protected at all cost and sacrifice we can muster. They are so precious and I know this my sound like a worn out saying but they really are our future, and that future can be one of more pain or one that is better.

I have worked with abused children and adults who were abused as children and like jeannerené I feel like not only the abuser commits crimes but also anyone who would allow those crimes to continue.

I guess my first response could have been more compassionate, but in my gut I just get pissed.

rr

[davidmm]

skillzz

Having read Jeanne's and rr's responses there is little I feel I should add to what has been said. I am one of those who remembers vividly being on the receiving end of abuse throughout my childhood so be assured that you have my empathy.
So, I shall be very mundane and make no further references to the subject. You wrote about a chilling part of life but spelling mistakes in each of the first four lines (plus others in the body of the poem) were very distracting. You have a lot of important stuff to say but start using spell check and the message you want to get over to people will be much better received!